Tips From a Pleasure Dom #2: Invest in Toys

I remember the first sex toy I ever bought. It must have been more than 20 years ago.

First, you should know that I was very vanilla, but we all have an origin story. I was stepping way out onto a twig of a limb. It was this very generic double AA vibrator. Very lacklustre, and a HUGE hit. 

I never bought another one until I was dating again in my 50s.  

Some of us are slow learners. But I CAN learn. 

At that point, I got less entangled with my ego. I was interested in closing the orgasm gap. I gave into the implication that I’m a Pleasure Dom. I decided it was in my interest to invest, experiment, and do lab work with female-oriented sex toys. On the sexual orientation spectrum, I’m mostly on the hetero side. 

I did some reading of product reviews, relied on my knowledge of female pleasure, and then went shopping!

I started with a couple of things. A vibrator and a glass dildo. You don’t have to go into debt and buy the whole store. Be deliberate about it. And test what you buy to see if it’s going to be a hit. Some things just don’t slap. 

Over time, I got quite the collection. And when I broke them out on a date, there was lots of enthusiasm, salivating, and other forms of wetness just at the sight of it all. 

Let me say this upfront – if you’re a guy and your idea of “bringing toys into the bedroom” is just adding something that looks like a variation of you,  you’ve already missed the point.

This isn’t about novelty.

This is about intention.

Here are 3 tips to get you started. 

1. Invest Where It Actually Matters

Most women don’t get the majority of their pleasure from penetration alone. So if you’re going to invest, invest where the pleasure actually is, external stimulation.

This is where I see most people (guys in particular) get it wrong. They buy toys that enhance their experience, not hers. And then they wonder why nothing really changes.

If you want to stand out, start by understanding her body better than the average guy does. That alone puts you in a different league.

2. Don’t Guess—Collaborate

Don’t guess, ask questions, get curious go shopping together. 

Real confidence looks like saying, “Hey, I want to explore this with you.”

Browse together. Talk about it. Laugh about it. Get curious. You’re not just buying a toy—you’re building anticipation, trust, and a shared experience. And if you’ve been following me at all, you know this is really about a bias for communication.

3. Make It About Her Experience—Not Your Ego

Toys aren’t competition. They’re tools.

If your ego gets involved, you’ll either avoid them or use them in a way that still centers you.

Neither works.

The guys who get this right are the ones who are genuinely invested in their partner’s experience—without needing it to validate them.

That’s where the shift happens.

That’s where she feels it.