Pleasure Mapping

“Were you trying to see how loud you could make me scream?”

We all have a kink. That’s mine.

I’m a Pleasure Dom.

I love hearing things like that! It’s a sign of sexual fulfillment and liberation and everyone in every type of relationship can have it.

If you follow me, first of all, thanks. I’m sharing tips from education, self-study, and real-world practice and experience.

Disclaimer: I am a cisgender heterosexual male, so my experience is limited. If you have other perspectives, please share them in the comments for everyone to gain from. I do not know everything about everyone, but I hope that the principles are helpful.

Today’s tip is Pleasure Mapping.

Pleasure Mapping is the process of mapping the erotic zones on your body. It is the activity of spending intentional time with yourself or a partner to understand your body's unique pleasure points and desired sensations. You don’t have to find a Pleasure Dom, to figure this out. You can do it on your own and then with a partner, your partner.

Start with yourself - before someone else can know your body, you have to know your body and what feels good. Spend some time with yourself using your hands, fingers, toys, and textures. Get out of your head and into your body and just feel.

Now onto working with a partner but first a few words about trust.

Trust is what will make this successful. A lot of people - especially men - could learn a lot about trust before engaging sexually with a partner. What I hear most often from women is that when it comes to what men offer them in a relationship, it typically begins and ends with “great sex”. Then in many, many cases, it turns out to be kinda “meh, whatever”. Pleasure mapping and the concept that she/they come first is one of the best ways to establish trust. Of course, consent is paramount, and consent violations destroy trust. Oh you can also do stuff to partner with things like shopping and stuff around the house and stuff with the kids without being asked. Bonus points if you do stuff without asking lamely, “What can I do to help?” Don’t make your partner do the mental work, look around and just do what needs to be done, for cryin’ out loud.

Okay, where were we? Oh yeah, working with a partner on pleasure mapping. Right.

Working with a partner - when I meet someone new, I typically spend the first several sexual interactions figuring out what feels good to them. This is a process and it requires patience and takes time(s). The temptation is to find a thing that works and ride that horse until it falls over dead. If this is your technique, you’re missing out. Even in an experience with full sexual intercourse, I may not have an orgasm and I’m good with that in the beginning. When I’m in my role as a Pleasure Dom, it’s not about me.

Never-Evers: Helping Someone Experience Something New

I’m also a professional snowboard instructor. I teach beginners. We refer to beginners as “Never-evers” - people who have never, ever tried or experienced snowboarding.

As a Pleasure Dom I run into Never-Evers all the time - partners who have never-ever experienced something like a new way to orgasm...or an orgasm at all. With my snowboard students, I get great satisfaction from taking someone from “Never-Ever” to “Confident Turns”. For my play partners I get satisfaction when taking them from “Never-ever” to “Consistent Orgasms”. It’s what I do!

What to look for as you’re pleasure mapping:

First of all, be looking. Observe everything from breathing, facial expressions and twitches, pull-aways, leanings-in, head movement, and twitches in different parts of the body, sounds including moans, sighs, words, phrases, and perspiration changes.

Breathing observations - most commonly I hear differences as my partner gets more aroused, but I also watch their chest and abdomen to notice more subtle changes in breathing.

Facial observations - I notice eyes closing or eye contact. I notice eyebrow changes. A furrowed brow might be good or might be bad. Look at the whole face for other signs of pleasure or discomfort and then I ASK if I can’t tell.

I notice an open mouth. This is a sign of breathlessness and precedes taking a deep and needed breath. This is generally a good sign, but if in any doubt, I’ll ask.

I’ll include the head with facial observations. Moving the head from side to side or upward motion of the chin as their head is cocked back is typically a good sign, but again, I ask to make sure it’s feeling good and not distressing.

Body observations - pulling away from a touch or sensation is typically a sign of displeasure, but not always, so I’ll ask for clarification. Leaning into a touch or sensation is typically a good sign and indicates wanting more. Twitches without pulling away are almost always a good sign. These are often accompanied by moans or changes in breathing such as short, shallow breaths or gasps.

It’s not all about the “private parts”

There are so many erogenous zones that you could map for months and find new places of pleasure. In fact, in my experience sensation and sensitivity increase over time as you learn to trust and let go of old patterns.

If you don’t notice any of these in your partner, look inward. To put it bluntly, you might be a selfish partner. Go check out the tip “She/they come first” then come back to this tip.