Debunking the Myths of Masculine Energy: What It Really Means and Why It Matters

For years, I resisted the idea of 'masculine energy.' It felt patriarchal, outdated, and too often used as a justification for toxic behavior. I had embraced my own feminine energy—my ability to connect, nurture, and be emotionally present—so deeply that the idea of leaning into masculine energy felt unnecessary, even problematic.

But I had it wrong. And I think a lot of people do.

Masculine energy isn’t about dominance, control, or outdated gender roles. It’s not the toxic form of masculinity we’ve all been warned about. In reality, healthy masculine energy is about direction, stability, presence, and protection—qualities that are just as necessary as the intuition, flow, creativity, and connection that feminine energy brings.

And here’s the real kicker: Every single person—regardless of gender—has both masculine and feminine energy. The key is balance.

What Is Masculine Energy, Really?

If we strip away the baggage attached to the word, masculine energy is simply the active, structured, goal-oriented force that moves things forward. It’s about:

• Direction & Purpose – Clarity of vision, the drive to take action.

• Logic & Structure – The ability to create plans, build stability, and provide grounding.

• Strength & Stability – Not in a ‘tough guy’ sense, but in the ability to hold space, remain present, and be reliable.

• Protection & Responsibility – A commitment to safeguarding what matters—whether that’s a relationship, a family, a project, or a mission.

• Action & Penetration – (And no, not just in the sexual sense.) It’s about initiating, stepping up, and making things happen rather than waiting for them to unfold.

Why Some Men Resist This Idea (And Why I Did Too)

A lot of men struggle with this concept because they’ve been taught two extremes: Either you lean fully into a traditional, rigid version of masculinity that rejects softness, vulnerability, and emotional intelligence—or you reject masculinity altogether for fear of embodying toxic traits. Neither option works.

I see this in relationships, in leadership, in personal development. Men who avoid their masculine energy often feel directionless, unfulfilled, or disconnected from their own sense of purpose. On the flip side, men who over-identify with masculinity often suppress the parts of themselves that allow for deep relationships, creativity, and emotional awareness.

Masculine and Feminine Energy in Relationships

When it comes to relationships, these energies work best when they balance each other out—not in a 'men do this, women do that' way, but in a way where both partners flow between roles based on what the relationship needs.

In the 7 Bridges to a Solid Relationship framework, we see these energies play out in different ways:

• Attraction – Feminine energy brings magnetism and depth, while masculine energy brings initiation and direction.

• A Bias for Communication – Feminine energy fosters connection; masculine energy provides clarity and logic.

• Emotional Availability – Feminine energy invites vulnerability; masculine energy holds space for it.

• A Safe Haven – Masculine energy creates safety and trust; feminine energy nurtures emotional security.

• Sexual Compatibility – Masculine energy brings passion and drive; feminine energy brings sensuality and exploration.

• Intimacy – Feminine energy deepens emotional presence; masculine energy provides grounding.

• A Secure Base – A strong relationship ultimately integrates both energies to create a stable, fulfilling partnership.

But be aware, both people in the relationship have to have a mix of feminine and masculine energy to optimize and cross the bridges effectively. It doesn’t matter if the relationship is boys and girls, boys and boys, girls and girls, theys and thems, or however one identifies. 

Reclaiming Healthy Masculinity

If we redefine masculine energy as being grounded, intentional, and present rather than dominant, aggressive, or closed-off, we reclaim a form of masculinity that is powerful, necessary, and deeply attractive—not just in relationships but in life.

For men who have avoided their masculine energy, the work is about stepping into leadership (not control), owning their desires with integrity, and learning how to be strong in a way that supports, not suppresses.

For women who have resisted the concept of masculinity, the work is about seeing it as an essential part of the human experience rather than something that must be fought against.

For everyone, the real challenge is finding balance. Leaning too far into one energy—whether masculine or feminine—leads to dysfunction. But when we learn to flow between the two, we access deeper confidence, connection, and clarity.

Final Thoughts: A New Paradigm for Masculinity

This isn’t about men and women. It’s about the energies we all carry. It’s about unlearning the rigid, broken versions of masculinity and embracing the deeper, healthier truth.

If you’ve ever felt lost in your purpose, unclear in your leadership, or disconnected in your relationships, chances are, there’s an imbalance between your masculine and feminine energy. The answer isn’t to reject one or the other—it’s to integrate both.

And that’s where the real magic happens.

So let’s start a new conversation. One that’s not about outdated gender roles but about powerful, balanced human energy. Masculine energy isn’t toxic—it’s just misunderstood. And when we get it right, it changes everything.